It’s been more than 6 months since my sweet grandmother, my obachan, passed away.

Most days life moves forward and onward and it’s like she’s still alive. Living in her small, quaint little house in rural Utah. Waking up in the wee hours of morning to tend to her sprawling garden and cook herself breakfast.
I imagine her sitting in her reclining chair watching Japanese TV, taking naps and reading books.
She’s still there, living a quiet life . . . I just haven’t talked to her in awhile.
That’s how it feels.
Until reality hits, at random moments, like when I’m inside of the Nijiya market on Sawtelle. And I pass the curry boxes holding court on the shelf, and it hits me.
She’s gone.
And she’s not coming back.

Then comes my familiar friend, grief.
Heaviness.
Sadness.
Tears.
The reality check that she’s gone.

In fact, as I tried to write this post, I had to stop on multiple occasions, do the ugly cry, sit at her altar that I so fortunately inherited, and connect back to the present moment.

Life is funny like that.
You think you’ve processed it. That you’ve made peace with it. And can “move on”.
But with death, there’s really no such thing as moving on.
You move forward. But you never fully move on, not really.

Their memory is always with you. You miss them frequently and think of them daily.
You wish you could pick up the phone and say hi.
Or just sit next to them and watch Japanese soap operas, even though you don’t understand a word.

As I walked the aisles of the market the other day, looking at all the foods my grandma loved to cook + eat, I decided it was time to do a What I’ve Learned post. This time, from the perspective of a woman who was the true matriarch of our family and who continues to inspire me, even in her absence :
Grandma Suyeko Sunada Watanabe.
I dedicate this post to my family.

:: WHAT I’VE LEARNED from Suyeko Watanabe ::

No. 01 :: Kindness rules
In all things, kindness is king (or queen). I don’t remember very many times that my grandmother was unkind. Was she a perfect saint? No. But she was always kind and loving to us grandkids. She lived her life doing good for others. She led by example. She was sweet and there isn’t a person around who would say anything bad about her. The lesson? Be nice.

No. 02 :: Never forget where you came from
My grandmother was Japanese. She was born in Sacramento but moved to Japan as a small child, where she lived until she was in her 20’s. Japanese ideals and Buddhist principles were very important to her. She never tried to force them down our throat, but it was clear that she lived by these principles day in and day out. She never forgot where she came from: a little girl, in the small seaside village of Jigozen Japan. She taught me to be proud of my Japanese heritage. Family was the most important thing (and the greatest joy) in her life. And so it is in mine.

No. 03 :: Life happens in the spaces between
Grandma never rushed. She took small, deliberate steps. She kept to a schedule, rising before dawn to tend to her garden and going to sleep shortly after dinner. Her life wasn’t chaotic, filled with “must do’s”, or tons of activities. She took moments of pause throughout the day, whether for a nap or to pray or to read a book. She was quiet. Silence didn’t scare her. By just being with her I learned that life isn’t only in the big grandiose experiences, it’s in the spaces between. The subtle moments and lingering pauses are what give our life context and meaning.

No. 04 :: Gardening is a meditation (if you let it be)
Grandma’s garden is legendary. The quantity and size of her crops still amazes me. And keep in mind, she did most of this gardening on her own, solo, with no help. Up until the last 3 or 4 years of her life, she was still out every morning weeding, watering and tending to the crop. Whenever I would don a gardening bonnet and go out into the garden with her I would try to be as helpful as I could. But sadly I didn’t inherit her green thumb. I would pick raspberries and watch her. A smile on her face, sweat on her brow, a small woman with a mighty grip. She never winced or complained. She did the work. Went inside. And enjoyed the fruits (and vegetables) of her labor. It was a form of meditation for her. And something that I plan to try my hand at in our next home.

No. 05 :: It’s the simple things that matter
She didn’t accumulate a lot of stuff, she didn’t overcomplicate anything – life was simple. She lived in the same little house for decades. She wore the same clothes for about as long. Life was about living and about relationships. It really is the simple things that matter the most. It’s a lesson that I try to remember every single day.

No. 06 :: Faith + devotion are a practice
Whenever I would visit my grandma, I’d sleep in her bed with her. It was like a slumber party every night. We would laugh, talk, and cuddle up together. And each morning and evening, like clockwork, I would watch her go to her obutsudan (a Buddhist altar), ring the bell and bow in prayer. I was fascinated by her consistency, her devotion and her faith. She did this every morning and evening for as long as she lived. And she served in her Buddhist church for an equally long time. The common thread in everything she did? Practice, consistency, faith, devotion. Mix. Rinse. Repeat.

No. 07 :: Give as much as you get
It’s a profound little lesson that I learned by watching my grandma in her daily life :: give as much (if not more) than you get. She was always giving, whether it was her time, her skills, a meal, her words or her worldly goods. She gave, gave and gave some more. In return she was showered with love, she had plenty of material goods and was beloved by everyone who knew her. Give and you will get. It’s that simple.

No. 08 :: Food is love
Cultures the world over gather around a space together to share meals. In my house meal time was one of the few times that we could all be together as a family and share in each others nourishment. My grandma loved to cook and more importantly, to feed us. She instilled in me, a love of food, an appreciation for fresh ingredients and a desire to commune with others over a meal. I carry this tradition forward today. As anyone who knows me can attest, I LOVE eating. What I love most about it? The sense of community, family and fellowship that happens around a table. Food = love.

No. 09 :: No matter what you’ve been through, happiness is a choice
Growing up my grandma lost both of her parents by a young age and later in life, lost the majority of her siblings as well. She lived in a rural village in Japan and then was off to the U.S. where it was “less than friendly” to those like her (hello, internment camps). Luckily she never had to endure going to a camp, but she definitely endured her share of heartache and pain. How’s this for terrible? Everyone my grandma worked with back in Hiroshima died during the bombing of WWII. Yeah. Not good.
Yet, she was always smiling. She laughed. She cried. She was grateful. And she chose to be happy.

No.10 :: The capacity to love with your whole heart is infinite
Ask anyone in my family about their favorite memory of grandma and this one will almost definitely be on top of everyone’s list. Whenever we were leaving her house, grandma would stand at her door and wave to us. Whether it was raining or snowing or hot as can be, she would stand there, crying, smiling and waving as we drove away. And she would stay out there until we couldn’t see her anymore. I never asked her why she did that. But in my heart I know the answer. Because she loved us. Her heart overflowed with love – for her children, her grandchildren and her great-grandchildren. She never favored one of us over the others. I don’t think she ever worried that she’d run out of love. Her love was infinite and she let it show.

~

My sweet, sweet obachan. I miss you + will miss you every single day for the rest of my life.
Thank you for the lessons you passed along to not only me, but our entire family.
Thank you for touching so many lives in such a deeply profound way.
Thank you for enduring such hardships, so that today I am able to live with such abundance and freedom.
My biggest wish for myself, is that I can take the lessons you’ve passed on to me and embody them in all parts of my life, so that I can change the world, just like you did.

So my dear friends, what if any of the above lessons resonated with you the most? If you are lucky enough to have grandparents in your life, what lessons have they taught you?

I’d love to challenge you to not only share with me in the comments below, but consider writing a letter or better yet, having a face-to-face chat with your grandparent(s) (if they’re still around) and let them know just how much they’ve taught you and how grateful you are for them.
And of course, how much you love them.

xo