What if enjoying deep and true fulfillment on a regular basis was more about un-doing rather than doing?

What if we could gently untangle the knots holding together the barriers of belief between ourselves and feeling fulfilled, and just let it flow in and through our lives effortlessly regardless of circumstance? What if we could learn to separate what other people think will make us happy from the things that actually make us happy?

I think we can. And I think the two keys to doing so are releasing ourselves from the prison of conditionality, i.e. “I’ll be happy when this certain thing happens”, and cultivating presence, i.e. being fully awake to enjoying our lives in real time. So it’s about abandoning imagined future perfections and enjoying the imperfect, unfinished present realities.

One great barrier to fulfillment is that often we will only allow it in if it arrives hand in hand with some great future accomplishment, some great big thing that may or may not happen. Some great big thing you may or may not be able to fully enjoy when it happens because you are so in the habit of postponing happiness until some new future event. But the joyous hedonist in me asks, “why not be fulfilled, joyous and happy now, even as you are on your way to the future”?

It is quite easy in the modern world to be constantly drawn away into external desires and attractions. It is also quite easy to get lost in a labyrinth of your own habitual thoughts and limiting beliefs. But if we endeavor to enjoy deep and powerful experiences of fulfillment, joy, and happiness, the most skillful thing we can do is re-direct our attention and open-hearted gratitude to this moment. This moment right now – however it is. In its simplicity or complexity, in its ease or challenge, in its limitation or abundance. And one of the easiest ways to do this is to direct our bare attention to what our senses can tell us about this moment in real time.

So, let’s generate some examples of ways to use our sensory life as an anchor, a home base, for generating gratitude and joy for this exact unique moment; thereby creating a foundation of constant, perpetual fulfillment and joy no matter the circumstance.

For our purposes right now, when I use the words happiness and joy, I don’t really mean “woo-hoo, party!” kind of happy, I mean the deep abiding, infinite joy and pleasure of being alive. Although, of course by now you may have guessed I do not discriminate, I like and invite all types of happiness and fulfillment, big and small.

So here we go, consider this a partial list, a jumping off point, food for thought. You are of course invited and encouraged to brainstorm your own practices and rituals that would make common-sense(ory) additions to your daily life.

Easy ways to enjoy fulfillment, a.k.a. being happy for no reason:

• Take your simple rituals and imbue them with presence.
  A good example here is washing your hands. A few years ago I adopted the practice of using that little bit of time when I wash my hands as an opportunity to enjoy the moment and be fully present. You can’t imagine the joy I now feel simply washing my hands. I love to watch the water flow, I love the feel and smell of the soap, I love the way my two hands caress and clean each other, I love the conscious moment of “coming clean” and becoming fresher and brand new.

• Keep an eye on your brain.
  Gently acknowledge and then let go of thoughts that are tricking you into thinking you can’t be fulfilled and joyous right now. If it helps, experiment with the idea that there is no there. Every satisfied desire gives birth immediately to a new desire. It’s how we are wired. It’s part of being human. If you place all your bets on future events, the joy you perceive they’ll bring will keep scrambling out of your grasp even as you achieve and attain them because you will be in the habit of “saving” your happiness for the next future event. So although it’s a cliché, it is true, you might as well enjoy yourself on the journey because the destination is a mirage.

• Take notes about your own happiness.
  There is a big world out there, constantly informing/telling you, what will make you happy. Their suggestions might be true, or might be totally false for you. The best way to know what makes you happy is to keep a record for a day or two (or more) of what actually, naturally generates feelings of happiness, joy and fulfillment for you. Often even we are unclear or even mistaken about the things that make us truly happy. For instance, until I did this practice I severely underestimated the joy I feel from being outside and in nature. Now I know, when I need a boost, to find my way to the outdoors as soon as possible!

• Be grateful for and awake to your own aliveness.
  Nothing brings increase like gratitude. Nothing strengthens and fortifies like gratitude. Nothing can turn a moment from blah to wow like gratitude. Gratitude is the fertile ground from which joy and fulfillment spring. Practicing gratitude for the simplest things: your breath, your ability to see, hear, touch, taste, smell, your own aliveness right now is the best recipe for happiness I know. Yet, for some reason, it is such an easy practice to forgo and abandon.
  So I offer you some inspiration on the matter from John O’Donohue who says it so much more eloquently than I ever could.

“It is a strange and wonderful fact to be here, walking around in a body, to have a whole world within you and a world at your fingertips outside you. It is an immense privilege, and it is incredible that humans manage to forget the miracle of being here. Rilke said, ‘Being here is so much,’ and it is uncanny how social reality can deaden and numb us so that the mystical wonder of our lives goes totally unnoticed. We are here. We are wildly and dangerously free.”

Initially fulfillment can seem like a big word. One that in order to be fulfilled means something big or great has to be created or attained. But hopefully whenever you want to feel it (even right now as you read this), you will remember the phrase “happy for no reason” and find a way to enjoy fulfillment right away, in the moment and in many, many more moments to come.

What is your definition of fulfillment? How do you find it in the everyday moments? Share your thoughts and/or tips in the comments below!

xo,
Jessica

Photo by: Camdiluv