The car ride was making me anxious.

While my husband drove, I fussed with my hair and added a 14th layer of tinted chap-stick in the confidence boosting shade of “Fig”.

We were due for dinner at the house of my husband’s colleague and I wanted to make a good impression.

My husband had just started working at the small New England college where our host worked as Dean. For some reason, the idea of hanging out with a Dean all evening was intimidating.

I look young for my age and folks on campus had been assuming that I was a new student, not the wife of their Executive Chef. I wondered if the Dean would hasten to think me immature based on my looks alone. As if on cue my fears began to snowball. Did I choose the wrong outfit? Am I overdressed? Underdressed? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I sound as young as I look? What if…? What if…? What if he just doesn’t like me?!

To to be safe I adjusted my scarf 18 million more times and added another layer of “Fig”.

You could have guessed, I’m sure, but my fears were miraculously unfounded. In fact, if only I had known what the Dean was really thinking about us…

Over a lovely dinner of chicken, potatoes and salad, the Dean admitted to his own special blend anxieties about having my husband and I over for dinner.

All afternoon the thoughts in the Dean’s mind had run something like this: I’m making dinner for a chef but I’m not a cook!! This is going to be awful. What if they don’t like it? What will they think of us?! Maybe we should have ordered pizza…

I nearly chocked on my glazed chicken when he admitted as much. Never, ever, would my husband or I judge our hosts for graciously having us for dinner, no matter what they chose to serve.

We were stunned. And then, of course, I realized just how foolish I had been to think that these nice people with their worries and cares would have judged me. It was like listening to someone spout my own fears back at me and more than anything they sounded absurd. While I had been worrying about what the Dean would think of me, he had been worrying about what we would think of him!

The experience reminded me of a special meditation I learned a few years ago from a friend and incredible teacher and coach. She frequently begins her workshops with this meditation. The room never fails to fill with the deepest most respectful love any two strangers can share. (I only wish I had remembered it before the dinner and not after!)

Consider returning to this technique if you find yourself visited by fear or doubt; you never know when you might be on your way to a certain dinner party… and need an extra boost.

Just Like Me

• Find a public place with a good number of people such as a coffee shop or park.
• Look around and take in the variety of people you see.
• Let your eyes fall on someone in particular (without looking like a creeper!) and silently say to yourself, “Just like me, this person wants to be happy“.
• Breathe into the thought.
• Focus on another person, and repeat silently, “Just like me this person has at times felt self-conscious.” Breathe into it.
• With each following phrase, find another person (if you can) and silently repeat the phrase to yourself.
• Don’t be surprised if this meditation brings up a lot of emotion. People often experience a powerful shift as they focus on how alike we are as humans navigating this strange beautiful world!

You can use these phrases or feel free to make up your own!
Just like me, this person wants to feel validated
Just like me, this person yearns to feel heard
Just like me, this person has experienced great sorrow
Just like me, this person craves personal fulfillment/success
Just like me, this person has made mistakes
Just like me, this person has regrets
Just like me, this person is doing their best

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”
~Marie Curie

xo
Natanya

Photo by Allen Skyy via Flickr