In this monthly advice column (think ‘Dear Abby’ but more modern and with tarot cards!), Guest Editor Natalie Vartanian answers YOUR questions. She’ll tackle love + relationships, business + career, family + friends – you name it.

If you’d like to get some of Natalie’s on-point advice (and have your question featured here), email us!

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Dear Natalie,

I’d love to know your thoughts on taking on a business partner. How do I know when it’s “right” vs. when it’s not such a good idea? I’ve had some partnerships go sour in the past and I’d love to know if there’s a magic formula to figuring out when to say yes and when to say no. Thanks!

xo,
To partner or not to partner

Dear To partner or not to partner,

Oh man … do I have some thoughts on this one! I have had several (and I do mean SEVERAL) business partnerships (twosomes and threesomes) so could speak novels on this topic.

First, I LOVE collaborating. I get so much juice from the creative process that happens when brilliant minds come together. But, I’ve also had experiences with folks dropping the ball and/or things fizzling out (on both sides).

Some things I feel are not meant to go past the idea generation phase. Some people come into our life to help us get clear on what we DO or DON’T want.

Here are a few lessons I’ve learned from being in business partnerships:

• Spend time in the beginning designing. Get crystal clear on what your intentions are, what the vision is, if you both are on the same page, if it lines up with your purpose. One thing I’ve realized after so many collaborations is that sometimes I get pulled into something because it seems cool or I love the people, however, it does not FULLY feed me. If it is not going to further you and your career and/or bring something to you, then is it really worth going into this partnership or venture? Talk about what things are ‘rubs’ for each of you and what are some options if that is to happen? How do you work that out? Design the partnership just the way you would any relationship.

• Have a trial period. Do a project together to see what the fit is going to be like. Because guess what, like any relationship, you won’t know the strength of the relationship until it has been tested. When you work on something together, shit will inevitably come up and you will see how the other person acts when challenged and also if you work well together. What is the communication like? How do you both handle adversity? What parts of the project/venture am I good at and what parts are they good at? Frame the whole project that way. This of this as a Beta Test. Do one project together and regroup afterward to see how it went and if you both want to continue.

• Be super clear on what the ROLES are in the partnership. It’s important that things are weighted accordingly. A lot of resentment happens when one person feels they are doing a bulk of the work, or they feel underappreciated. Figure out the tasks and important pieces to the project and/or the partnership and make sure things are distributed according to profit breakdown. If it’s a 50/50 split partnership then both parties should be putting in equal amounts of work to get equal payout. If the work going in is not equal, then figure out a split that matches each person’s effort. Effort may not be literal work – it may be value add as well, i.e one of you may have a huge network and are the one bringing the paying clients in, etc. Either way, make sure it is spelled out according to value and roles.

To help facilitate even deeper learning and a magical perspective around this, I pulled a Tarot Card for this question. The card pulled is THREE OF PENTACLES REVERSED.

Honestly, I had a feeling this card would come up! it is literally the ‘Do the work, build the team, partnership card’. The Universe is pretty amazing like that!

What I get from this card, especially it being in reversed, is that you just won’t know until you DO IT! Pretty much mirrors the second point above. Gotta start dating to see if the relationship is worth investing in further. Actions speak way louder than words.

Set things up as strongly as possible in the beginning to make sure it grows sustainably. The foundational work is just as important as the literal building work. This is a Pentacles card after all and it represents EARTH energy – be pragmatic, strategic, grounded and make sure solid plans are in place.

xo,
Natalie

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Dear Natalie,

I’m feeling really confused about my life and work lately. Everything feels flat – like it’s lost it’s “glossiness”. I feel overwhelmed by all that’s on my plate and don’t seem to make decisions that benefit me in the long run (like exercising or eating healthy). It’s like I’m sabotaging myself or something. How do I get that desire back? Is there something I can do to feel excited about life and work again?

xo,
Lost that loving feeling

Dear Lost that loving feeling,

Well first off, STOP. Stop trying to figure things out, stop beating yourself up and stop thinking there is something wrong with you.

Sometimes we just need a break. Not everything is crystal clear in our life all of the time. Feels to me you are going through a metamorphosis period. When the caterpillar is in its cocoon and it is dark and unknown and maybe even suffocating.

Then there are growing pains when it is busting out of the chrysalis and is able to spread its wings as a beautiful butterfly.

When I hear someone say they are overwhelmed, what I hear is I am under-resourced – I am tapped out. That is definitely NOT a place to make creative or purpose-driven decisions about one’s life.

I would honestly recommend taking a bit of a sabbatical and just focus on the small things. What feels good to me today? What is one small thing I can do to care for myself today? What fulfills me, sounds fun and lights me up, in this moment?

Instead of looking at the big picture of life, get down to basics, ultra simple basics. My wish for you is to practice exquisite self-care and self-love. I don’t think you are sabotaging yourself. I think you are not allowing yourself to feel what you are feeling and that, is leading you to feel frustrated and upset. There is nothing to DO right now. Focus on BEING. Be as loving and amazing of a human being (especially to yourself) as possible.

When you stop focusing so hard on what you are looking for, that is when you will find it. It’s a soft focus approach as opposed to a laser beam method.

To help facilitate even deeper learning and a magical perspective around this, I pulled a Tarot Card for this question. The card pulled is FIVE OF WANDS REVERSED.

Basically, stop fighting! Stop fighting yourself and stop fighting your process. The more you get caught up in this angsty, conflict energy, the more you are going to perpetuate it and the farther down the rabbit hole you are going to go. What would be the opposite of the fighting energy?

My advice is to embrace this transition period as opposed to struggling against it. Think: swimming in the same direction as the river, not against it. You will get to the ultimate destination a hell of a lot faster and a lot less bruised up.

Another question for you is “If a friend came to you with the similar situation what would you say to them?” I bet it would be that everything is okay and perfect and to trust that everything will unfold exactly as it should. I bet you would also say to be gentle with themself. And you would probably want to nurture and love up on them, big time!

Your homework is to do that for yourself. It’s okay to ask the question “What do I want with my life?” but then you gotta let it go and trust. Trust that when the time is right you will know and the perfect set of situations will present themselves to have you powerfully forge down your path, with purpose and passion.

xo,
Natalie