In this monthly advice column (think ‘Dear Abby’ but more modern and with tarot cards!), Guest Editor Natalie Vartanian answers YOUR questions. She’ll tackle love + relationships, business + career, family + friends – you name it.
If you’d like to get some of Natalie’s on-point advice (and have your question featured here), email us!
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Dear Natalie,
How do we live with our past mistakes? As I get older, I find myself reflecting and at times being dragged down by this. I have always been a believer of you can’t change it and the past makes you who you are but just recently have I started to doubt that and can’t seem to get out of it regardless of knowing that it will get me nowhere. Not sure why all of sudden now but looking into that as well. Would love your advice.
xo,
A Struggling Believer
Dear Struggling Believer,
This is one of those really poignant life questions where you can go around and around and possibly NEVER find an answer. Because what I hear you saying is why do mistakes happen? Or why do painful or traumatic things happen. And those questions are almost as big as ‘Why are we here?’
What has helped for me in the past is to try and remove the stigma from it. Right, wrong, good, bad . . . those qualifiers are what cause pain. At the end of the day, you made a choice, something happened and it could have gone any number of ways. There are consequences from our decisions and we can never guarantee what the outcome will be.
We take chances every day. We come to conclusions based on the information we have at that given moment in time. I think I have finally come to sink in to the age old adage of “We do the best we can with what we have been given.” A lot of the time we DON’T know better. We have to figure it out by experiencing it.
In this way it really does become a learning experience – it is not a mistake but an experiment. Instead of failing, you have gained information that has taught you what NOT to do next time, or what TO do.
To help facilitate the piece of your question around “How do we live with our past mistakes?”, I pulled a Tarot Card for you. The card I received for you is the ACE OF CUPS. This card stands for new chapters but specifically around our emotions, spirituality, relationships, intuition etc. Cups represent water, which is the world of feelings and love and all of the things that cannot be touched or seen but felt in our hearts and souls.
What I am feeling here is that life has cycles – things begin and things end. The way we ‘live’ with our past ‘mistakes’ is to fully acknowledge and embrace that they are a part of the life journey. They deepen our connection with self and others. They teach us and humble us … they crack us open in ways that would not happen otherwise so that we can be more vulnerable, more connected, more tender in every way.
If you can see from the card, it is very reminiscent of taking communion at church. It is not necessary a literal representation but more of a metaphorical one. In the eyes of God/The Universe/Allah/Buddha etc., there are no mistakes. We walk down our path and if things happen that hurt us or hurt others, we seek forgiveness, become pardoned in the eyes of the all loving force that keeps the world turning and become more loving and conscious beings as a result. We are way harder on ourselves than anyone else, and this is definitely true in the eyes of whatever you believe in when it comes to the Creator of our space!
Forgive yourself, forgive others, seek to learn and strengthen your connections, love bigger, feel deeper and strive to be the best version of yourself. That is all we can ever do. We are human after all!
Every day is a new day to start over. Integrate the experiences and learnings from the past and begin again.
xo,
Natalie
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Dear Natalie,
I’m in a beautiful relationship with someone I love, but I often wonder if there’s something or someone better. I’m young and I feel like I should be dating more (or something), and I also am truly very happy where I am. Am I just restless? It sort of feels like I have a fear of missing out on something even better. What should I do?
xo,
Feeling Restless
Dear Feeling Restless,
Right off the bat I will tell you something that may be hard to hear, there will ALWAYS be someone “better”. There is never going to be a perfect person and even the concept of ‘perfect for you’ is tricky because people can be perfect for us in different ways.
It is a choice to be in relationship with the perfectly imperfect human being that we decide to let into our lives and then build our lives in conjunction with. This may be the person for you for the long haul, or they may not be. Only YOU know the answer to that question.
How do any of us know if the ONE is the ONE? This is based on how they make you feel, how you show up as a person being with them, how you two navigate the day to day of your relationship, how your values line up, etc. It’s not a cut and dry thing, it’s intricate and limitless.
What I hear when I read your question is the even deeper fear … and I don’t know what it is specifically for you, but it’s there. What is underneath the fear of missing out? What are you afraid of if you were to leave and find someone else? What are you afraid of if you were to stay?
Instead of tuning into your head or even your heart, there is a need to tune into your intuition. Deep down we know, we truly do.
To help facilitate the piece of your question around being restless in your relationship, I pulled a Tarot Card for you. The card I received for you is the EMPRESS. This card stands for creativity, giving birth to things through daily nurturing and commitment and dedication, being in our feminine power and energy when creating, feeling grounded and solid and strong.
What I am feeling here is two things: the dedication that it takes to grow and create and maintain anything in the world, as well as seeing yourself as a powerful force who is responsible for her own empire.
The Empress has an empire to build and chooses the Emperor she wants to share her life and build her empire with. It’s not always sunshine and roses, there are days she would gladly go back to the life of a Princess, yet at the end of the day she knows that the hard work she puts in will pay off because she is the creator of her destiny. No one tells her what to do, when to do it or how to do it.
It’s totally natural to question things, but if it is happening often, you do have to ask yourself where it is coming from so you can decide whether it is because your Emperor is not best suited to be the one you build your empire with or you are afraid of the responsibility it takes to build that empire. It’s easy to bounce around, you would not have anyone depending on or counting on you. It’s more challenging to stay in one place and really go deep with a person.
But to reiterate what was said before, at the end of the day you are the only one that has the answers to the questions of “Is there someone better?”, “Should I stay or go?”, “Am I being restless?”. Check in with your intuition, because I promise you that you have had the answer all along.
xo
Natalie
