What I’ve learned :: from Brené Brown

I’ve got a little something new for you this week.
It’s called, WHAT I’VE LEARNED.
In this monthly article, I’ll talk about some of the big lessons I’ve learned from some key influencers in my life.
This month, I’m tackling the lessons I’ve learned from the powerful work of Brené Brown.

Her recent appearances on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday, along with the release of her NY Times #1 Best Selling book, Daring Greatly, have brought Brené’s work into the arena. Big time! And I couldn’t be happier.

I’ll never forget the time I first read her book The Gifts of Imperfection in 2010.
I blurted out, “Hell YES!” about every two or three pages. It was THAT kind of book.
I felt like she was peeking into the darkest parts of my soul and giving words to feelings and ways of being, that I believed were unique to me. Turns out, I’m normal. And just like a lot of others out there. Hallelujah!

Then I got my hands on Daring Greatly last year.
And woooo baby. Brené’s words struck a some major chords, yet again.
So I put together a list of things I’ve learned from her.
She is a woman I so admire. Who I feel certain would be one of my BFF’s, if only we knew each other.
She’s someone that has taught me so much about myself in such a short period of time.
I could wax poetic forever about her, but I don’t want to bore you, so let’s dig in . . .

:: WHAT I’VE LEARNED from Brené Brown ::

No. 01 :: There’s nothing more daring than showing up, putting ourselves out there and letting ourselves be seen.
This is a hell yes if ever there was one!
I thought for most of my life that I was open. That I lived authentically. And showed up as myself day after day.
But I realized in 2010 that I’d been hiding a big part of who I am. My creative voice.
I had convinced myself that I was “just a film producer / entrepreneur” kinda person. Really good at organizing people, logistics, scheduling, budgeting, all that kind of stuff. And sometimes, I was lucky enough to put on my creative hat and give really good notes on a project or step in and help design part of an event. But I really wasn’t a true “creative”.
Oh how wrong I was.
Yes I’m good at Producer-type things. But I’m so much more than that. And I was too scared that the creative part of myself, if seen, would expose me to judgement, creative blocks, failure and even (*gasp*) wild success that I would have no idea how to handle.
It takes courage to step up and expose our true colors in all their beautiful glory. It might be difficult but daring greatly is the only way to truly live.

No. 02 :: Authenticity is a practice.
This made so much sense after I read it. But for years, I thought that I was just inherently authentic. Ummm, not so much.
Each time I’ve stepped into a new role, ventured into a potentially stressful situation or faced challenges, I’ve had to call upon my authenticity. I’ve had to make decisions, minute-by-minute about whether or not I wanted to show up as my full self. Whether I wanted to show everyone who I really am and what I’m made of. It’s by no means easy. But through trial and error, I know that it’s possible.

No. 03 :: Want to be happy? Stop trying to be perfect.
Yeah. She got me with this one. I’m a total perfectionist. I obsess over details the way a master tailor measures each and every seam. I get giddy when I spot what I consider to be perfect products, services, brands. Tom Ford is a perfectionist to the extreme (and of course, I adore him). Interestingly though, happiness and perfection don’t go hand-in-hand. This has been eye opening for me and one that I really struggle with. Where is the line between focusing on details, precision and beauty – and perfection. Is perfection always the antithesis of happiness? These are questions I’m still throwing around, but suffice it to say, I absorbed her words and am letting them sink in deeper each day.

No. 04 :: You need at least one friend who will help you move a body. No judgement. No explanation necessary.
Couldn’t agree with this more. Brené even mentions that you are lucky to have one of these type of friends in your lifetime. If you have two or three, you’re insanely blessed. I’ve always felt that friendship is about quality not quantity. In the age of social media, it seems that the more followers and fans you have, the more loved you are. At one point in time I bought into this idea too. But over the last two years have really tried to distance myself from the numbers. And focus more on the people who really love me. Who accept me, all of me, for better and for worse. The people I can call at 2am when a family member passes away. The people with whom I can spend 7 days straight and not want to run away from. My soul-friends. I am uber blessed to have a few of these gems in my life.

No. 05 :: To be human, is to be vulnerable.
There’s no way around it. Just hearing these words I knew they were true. I grew up with the notion that showing vulnerability or being sensitive in anyway, equates to weakness. Much of our culture embraces this view as well. And I hate it!
Vulnerability + Human Beings = intertwined. You can’t have one without the other, and still live a happy, fulfilled life. I love this idea. And yet, it’s also the most challenging thing about being alive.

No. 06 :: You can’t get to courage without walking through vulnerability.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a few different phobias. Namely of subways, hospitals, any medical procedures, extreme heights and enclosed spaces. As I’ve gotten older, they’ve become more pronounced.
I had no idea that courage and vulnerability were linked until I heard Brené talk about the connection. It was a major A-ha! moment. In order to feel courageous in the face of debilitating fear, I would need to be vulnerable. To the fears. To the unknown. And to everything in between. A complex, but a very liberating concept.

No. 07 :: There is no innovation and creativity without failure.
This one pushes all my perfectionist buttons. Who wants to fail? I sure as hell don’t. When I read this sentence from Brené, I instinctively knew she was right, yet had a hard time accepting it. “Do I really, really have to fail in order to access my best creativity?” “Do I have to accept failure as a possible outcome? Seriously?”
Failure. Uncertainty. It brings up so much anxiety.
Even worse is the anxiety I feel when I think of not pursuing my dreams. Not creating something exciting and new. Not pushing my own envelope. Of living a banal life with nothing new, exciting or innovative.
When put into that context, failure seems like a perfectly OK option.

No. 08 :: Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.
I have good days and bad days with this one. My self-talk can be incredibly negative, critical and unkind. Most of my negative thoughts are about things I “should be doing” or “should’ve done”. I also have a tendency towards negative thoughts about my body and the state of my health. None of this is productive and it certainly doesn’t make me feel good.
It makes you wonder, why on earth we torture ourselves the way we do. Just noticing these thoughts is the first step in changing them. And slowly but surely, I’m beginning to notice the negative thoughts more often and replace them with ways that I’m totally, insanely, awesome. It’s kind of fun.

No. 09 :: Unused creativity is not benign. It metastasizes. It turns into grief, rage, judgement, sorrow, shame.
This lesson was soooo scary to me. The feeling of what I imagine it must be like hearing that you have cancer. Horrible. Unused creativity metastasizes. I don’t know about you, but that phrase scares the shit outta me.
When I first heard it, it made me think about all the years I hoarded my creativity. Hid it behind closed doors for fear that anyone would see it, make fun of me or judge me.
Well, no more of that my friends. No more. Today, I’m doing small (and big) things to embrace my creativity. Because damn it, I don’t want to have the emotional cancers of grief, rage, judgement, sorrow and shame to contend with.

No. 10 :: Gratitude is the cornerstone of Wholehearted living.
Yes, yes, yes. Gratitude changes everything. I have had an on/off gratitude practice for years. I bought a Gratitude app for my iPhone several years ago and use it to record what I’m grateful for. It helps. Especially when I’ve been in some pretty rough periods of my life. When I’ve been depressed, lonely, or angry enough to unleash a storm of hate on the next person who crosses my path. Gratitude works. And knowing that it’s a cornerstone for living wholeheartedly . . . well, that’s icing on the cake!

I’d love to hear what you’ve learned lately? Any words of wisdom or life lessons as of late? Or do you have your own favorite Brené-isms to share? I’d love to hear them. Leave me a note below!
And if you haven’t read her books, what are you waiting for? You can find them in my online store here.

Wholeheartedly yours,

Tagged as: life lessons, personal growth, what i know