In this new weekly series, we’ll offer up a little wordly inspiration to kick-off your week.
Some simple wisdom, real and from the heart.
From one soul to another.
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Sometimes anger IS the answer
Last week I received a gruesome email.
It was one of those emails that made me wonder if I was really on the right track. It made me question my vision. It made me feel like crawling into a cave only to reemerge after a lengthy number of weeks (maybe months).
Since early 2014, I’ve begun stepping out. In a much bigger way.
It has been quite the year so far.
I relaunched this website (a massive undertaking).
I’ve been more vulnerable and more visible than is comfortable.
I’ve set limits on my time.
I’ve set huge boundaries in my relationships.
I’ve said, “No actually, that is NOT okay.”
I’ve cut cords and not look back.
Honestly, it’s been gut-wrenching.
Anxiety, heart palpitations, cold sweats, nausea.
And anger. Oh the anger.
But because I’m a recovering ‘Yes’ girl and like to save face, I never let on that I’m feeling fierce and rage-y and instead just move on like everything is A-OK.
Even when it’s clearly not.
Yeah, so that email that I got last week? The one that rattled my cage like a hungry great white?
I did what any good girl would do — I turned to my enlightened posse, I asked them for advice on how to handle it and how to reply. And I was met with so many beautiful words of wisdom. Solid. Powerful. Helpful. It’s not you, it’s her.
It was all true. And part of what I needed to hear.
But frankly, I was still pissed.
Until, one fiercely loving woman kept it ULTRA real and called out the elephant in the room — she spoke the phrase I was too afraid to say or write, for fear of not being “P.C.” or of not practicing what I preach in the enlightenment department.
“She’s a mean bitch.”
Hallelujah, praise be, YES, YES, YES and A-men YES.
Yes. She is being a mean bitch.
AND she’s clearly going through some stuff.
AND this probably isn’t who she really is (or maybe it is).
AND it reflects nothing on me or the way I’m moving through the world.
And maybe, just maybe after I get good and angry, I can feel for her and wish her love.
When we deny the anger, the pissed off rage and the expletives that want to come parading out of our mouths — we can’t fully process what has happened. Too often we don’t acknowledge emotions like anger and rage. And this my sweet friends, is a HUGE mistake. Intense feelings especially need to be felt. They need to be fully processed in order to be transmuted into empathy and peace and love.
So, yes, I called this woman a mean bitch out loud (albeit alone in my living room).
I was given permission to say what needed to be said, and so I let it fly.
And you know what?
Within less than 10 minutes I was feeling lighter, less burdened by what she said to me and more free to move forward, wish her well and let it all go.
It’s strange that in order to truly let go, we have to give in.
To the anger. To the rage. To the fuck you’s.
Getting real with what’s right in front of us and calling a spade a spade — that IS enlightenment.
As the saying goes — the only way out, is through.
Question + Thoughts to muse on this week:
What about you? Do you shy away from rage? From anger? Or the other more intense and difficult emotions? How might you be able to allow yourself to feel these emotions — knowing that they won’t kill you, and they will most definitely pass?
Next time you’re feeling angry, take it to the car and scream it out. Move your body, dance around wildly while listening to heavy metal. Whatever you need to do to move the feeling through and out.