One sunny afternoon, sitting on the Don Valley Parkway in Toronto, I decided that I was ready for My One. My forever guy.
And then I immediately descended into a spiral of “But my body…”
This bit is too soft. This bit is too wide. This bit isn’t wide enough. You know the drill.
And so I set a timeline for when my Forever Guy was allowed to arrive – because obviously, he had to give me time to get my body game in order, right? Right.
3 months, dude. Gimme 3 months.
And when the end of the 3rd month came and went, and my body had only marginally changed, I extended the deadline.
Just 3 more months, dude. Hold off for another 3 months, please.
This went on for a solid year.
. . .
If you’re single and you want your Forever Guy or Gal, please know this:
If you say you want a relationship but the majority of your thoughts focus on all the reasons (bodily and otherwise) you’re apparently not “ready” for a relationship, or that no one would want to be in a relationship with you, you are cancelling out that first wish for a relationship.
You’re literally shutting down every cosmic love possibility the universe was going to send your way.
In my case, I claimed to be ready for my guy. I claimed to have my heart open, eyes wide, scanning the horizon for his tall, handsome self.
Anytime someone asked me about my relationship status I’d say, “I’m single and ready for love” or “I’m solo right now, but I’m ready for my guy”.
Uh, no I wasn’t.
Because for an entire year, every time I thought “I’m ready for love” I would follow it up with 5 more thoughts of why my body wasn’t ready for love, or my finances weren’t ready or my family wasn’t ready.
Look at that ratio. 1:5.
Which of those is going to get more cosmic attention? The radio station with a 1-mile range or the one with a 5-mile range?
Life assumes it has not made a liar, so because I was sending out, “not ready for the man” vibes, that’s exactly what I got. No man. Well, at least, not the Forever kind I wanted.
And when I finally woke up, realizing that I was harboring this ridiculous belief that love wouldn’t come until my body was drastically different, you know what happened right away?
Everywhere I went – literally, EVERYWHERE – I saw obviously-ecstatic-in-love couples where the woman was soft in the same places I’m soft, and wide in the same places I’m wide, and not quite so wide in the same places I’d been saying I wasn’t wide enough in.
There they were, strolling hand in hand. Grinning and gooey on love.
The idea that men only want skinny minnies? It is a total, completely complete LIE.
Don’t believe me?
Say this prayer right now:
“Universe / God / Higher Self / (whatever you believe in), if this chick is right, please show me examples of thick ladies whose guys are clearly uber in love with them.”
If that was a sincere petition, I am 99% certain that you are going to start seeing these kinds of love examples around you too (assuming you’re leaving your house and actually going to places where you would see other people).
All those swoony-soft-wide women and their doting partners are the evidence that will help you squash those misguided beliefs about what your body has to look like, in order for love to arrive.
They are the proof that desirability and loveability is not determined by your dress size or how many stretch marks you have.
Whether the majority of your thoughts are positive, uplifting ones or self-defeating, negative ones, the Universe believes what you think and say the most.
So, if you want to manifest the lover of your dreams, the first place to look is not OK Cupid. The very first place to look is your own thoughts.
What do you believe about worthiness and Love?
What do you believe has to happen in order for you to find Love?
What do you believe about the connection between your body and your desirability?
Any gunk that you find in your answers to those questions is the place to put your focus.
Nourish that. Douse that with compassion. Pray. Meditate. Start a daily body love practice. Join a women’s circle. Hire a coach.
Do whatever feels right for you to transform those inner thought forms. Because Love is not staying away because your thighs are too jiggly.
Love is waiting on you to recognize that you deserve it, just as you are.
Photo by: Lisa Wiseman