What I’ve learned :: from Danielle LaPorte

I’ll never forget the first time I saw Danielle.
I discovered a book in my local bookstore called Style Statement.
I picked it up and was instantly enamored with the tagline, “Live by your own design”. So good.
I flipped to the back and saw Danielle’s photo + bio.
She looked like a goddess. Her presence jumped off the pages. Her words resonated deeply.
I bought the book. And devoured it cover to cover.
For the record, my Style Statement {as discovered in ’08} is Creative Authentic.
It still feels right today.

The lessons I’ve learned from Danielle span all areas of my life.
Work, relationships, spirituality, style, you name it.
I’ve applied these lessons and watched as my life has taken on new directions and forged new paths.
Her words are pure magic.
Here are a few that have brought me the greatest transformation + joy.

:: WHAT I’VE LEARNED from Danielle LaPorte ::

No. 01 :: There’s always more to let go of.
Just when I think I’ve worked out one of my big life issues or have made peace with a part of myself, something else pops up and forces me to do more work. That’s the thing they don’t tell you in therapy or counseling {at least mine didn’t} – there is always more. Just as life is a long journey, so is the process of unfolding who we are and excavating and making sense of the depth of our soul. Trust me. That “issue with mom or dad”, it will be with you forever. Only it won’t look and feel the same. It will morph and shift and change into something new. That’s both the complexity and the beauty of being alive. Since I’ve discovered this powerful truth, of realizing I will never be “finished” with my work, I feel less like I’m in a race to the finish, and instead am enjoying this wild ride called my life.

No. 02 :: Sharing your story is the surest way to create a unified field of empathy. And empathy moves mountains.
Storytelling as a way of communication and as an art form has been around for thousands of years. I used to think that nobody would care about my story, or what I had to say. That my story was the same as all the millions of others – not unique, special or particularly interesting. How wrong I was. From starting this blog, I began to realize how my little musings about life affected others. I began receiving emails, comments and sweet notes from readers who “got it”. They appreciated my willingness to share. They actually liked my stories. By telling them, I’ve created permission for others to do the same. The circle of empathy instantly widened. And just might be changing lives. I know it’s changed mine.

No. 03 :: If you want to live in the light you have to call things out of the darkness by their real name.
This one hit me like a ton of bricks. Because by nature, I like to hide in the dark. Literally and metaphorically. I like darkness. I like a room that is only illuminated by candlelight. I’m a night owl. I find shadows fascinating. I have a predilection for heavy, dark, emotionally poignant stories. For exploring the dark corners of my soul. Depression and I are on a first name basis. And yet, I desperately want to live more of my life in the light. To feel lighter. To laugh. To not take life so seriously all the time. To not be afraid of my emotions. To embrace my highly sensitive nature by showering it with light. Step one? Call it by its’ name. Fear. Self loathing. Disconnection. Sadness. Anger. Whatever is present and true. Whatever ails you. Call it by its’ name.

No. 04 :: Acceptance is medicine.
I couldn’t agree with this more. In my own life, I tend to resist things. Hard things, sad things even pleasureful things. I resist like a madwoman. In fact, when I’m getting a massage, I lay there, knowing I want to feel relaxed and blissed out, but instead my fists and jaw are clenched like I’m in a fight for my life. It’s crazy town. Breathing has really helped me to accept whatever is happening, wherever I am.
For example, accepting that I might not be making enough money to fully support myself, isn’t saying, “I give up. I should quit what I’m doing and go get a full-time job. Screw it.”. To the contrary. Accepting where I’m at means that I’m speaking the truth. I’m here, in the present moment and this is the truth of my life. Do I want to change it? Hell yes. Great. Where do I start? Immediately the energy shifts and I feel like things are possible again. That’s the power of acceptance.
Like Mary Poppins says, “Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down”.
I have no idea why that’s relevant, but it just feels right. So I’m going with it.

No. 05 :: Let it be easy.
Who decided that everything has to be so damn hard? Who coined the phrase, “No pain no gain?” Because if I could meet them, I would kick them in the shins. Growing up it’s a phrase I heard A LOT. You gotta work hard. Sweat profusely. Life’s not easy, it’s not supposed to be. The weak get weeded out. Only the strong will survive. Ugh. What a load of crap. My experience with this? Whenever I adopt this false-belief system as my own {temporarily}, nothing happens. My blog feels like a chore, I’m cloudy and confused about what’s next, I get depressed and everything just flat out sucks. But, if I take on the mantra of “let it be easy” – amazing things manifest. My work doesn’t feel like work. I’m happy. I laugh more. My relationships feel effortless. I feel connected, in my groove and in the flow. I love my life. Even my cats seem to like me more. Allowing more ease into my life might just be the greatest lesson I could ever learn. Out of ease, everything else is born.

No. 06 :: Everything you do is promotion.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a business owner, a freelancer, an employee, a blogger or a crafter – self promotion is where it’s at. Sadly, promotion has a bad wrap. I remember when someone first told me that I’d have to “sell myself” as a filmmaker. Say what?! Hell no. Sell myself? That sounded like some kind of schmarmy-businessy-used car salesman-y kinda thing. But my tune changed when I learned the real meaning of promotion. And now? I love it.
I’m a big believer that we all have gifts to share. Whether it’s your killer vocal range, a life-changing iPhone app, organic body oils or your badass marketing skills – you have something to give In fact, you probably have multiple somethings. So let your life, you words, your attitude, your interactions, be your promotion. You love what you do, what you create and what you have to give others. Why hoard it, when we need it? And yes, we do need you. Let promotion be easy, effortless and organic. Enough with third-person website bio’s and stodgy sales strategies. Instead, what feels good? Start there.

No. 07 :: Burn out is a natural part of shining.
Hallelujah! Can we get an A-men for the burn out? Just like the stars in the heavens above, we all will burn out. One way or another. We’ll get sick of our 9-to-5, reach the end of a road in a relationship or experience the painful reality of loss. Eventually, we burn the candle until it’s spent. We’re often taught that the candle should always be burning, that our career defines us and that our knight in shining armor is forever. But guess what? It’s not true. The light goes out. A journey ends. The flame is extinguished. But that doesn’t mean we can’t or we won’t shine again. In order to see the glory of the stars shining, we need the darkness of the night sky. I’ve learned to welcome burn out. To embrace the pain of not knowing what’s next. To accept the end. Because from there, I grow and learn to burn even brighter. A phoenix rising from the ashes.

No. 08 :: Knowing how you want to feel is half the journey to liberation.
In her latest book + digital experience, The Desire Map, Danielle dissects desire. I hadn’t given much thought to what I desire. Obviously I want things – but I never realized that what I’m really desirous of isn’t stuff, it’s feelings. I want to feel a certain way. That’s why I buy the shoes, eat the cake, read the magazine. We all have a set of core desired feelings, i.e. feelings that drive us. Once we determine what those feelings are {and they are highly individual}, we can setup our lives to be in alignment with them. In other words, we can live happier and more fulfilled, because we make decisions in our work, relationships and lives, that line up with how we want to feel. Doing this work and discovering how I want to feel from moment to moment has been a revelation – liberation is just the beginning.

No. 09 :: We must have the daring to be nothing but ourselves if we are to know what true power is.
Authenticity has been a part of my M.O. since I was a kid. I wouldn’t have used the word authenticity at the age of 8, but I was decidedly buzzing to my own tune, even at that age. Being anything other than myself feels like a slow, painful death. Dramatic? Maybe. But I truly can’t think of anything worse. “To thine own self be true” is a phrase that pops into my head whenever I feel myself trying to pretend to be anything other than who I am. And who I am changes. Minute to minute. I’m not the same as I was last month and certainly not last year. However, as long as I stay true to who I am in the moment and do what feels good {ding ding ding, core desired feelings}, I have access to a great inner strength and a powerful level or self-trust and confidence. Nothing feels quite as luscious as being comfy in your own skin. Am I right?

No. 10 :: By loving your sadness, you’re respecting your truth.
In my world, crying and PDS (Public Displays of Sadness) were always a sign of weakness or being “too sensitive”. So I grew to hate being sad. I tried my damnedest to not cry, especially not in public. Instead of growing stronger, this made me weaker. Because I was holding back some powerful emotions, when they emerged, it was like a tsunami. Over the years I’ve learned that embracing my sensitive nature and my emotional self, is empowering, not weak. My truth is that I feel things. And I feel them deeply. More deeply than most. I am highly attuned to the energy and feelings of others as well. It’s not something I can turn off and I don’t want to. Instead I’ve learned to respect what I’ve been given. And in turn, it’s become a superpower.

No. 11 :: If you round out your edges, you lose your edge.
I’m not really super-girly. I like sparkles, the color pink and flowery sundresses. But I like to throw in some black motorcycle boots for good measure. Everything from my current pixie haircut to my five tattoos, to my non-traditional approach to career and life, seems a bit edgy, at least where I’m from. And I like it that way. In fact, I thrive when I’m on my edge. When I’m pushing my boundaries. Too many times I have been encouraged to make myself a bit more conventional. To sand down the bumps and smooth over the rough spots. To conform. But come hell or high water {what does that even mean?}, I will never file ‘em down. The uneven lines, the mismatched shades, the disregard for the proportions of life – it’s what makes me, me. Steven Tyler knows what I’m talkin’ about.

No. 12 :: You’re going to feel guilty. Breathe. Keep going.
Guilt isn’t an emotion that I’ve ever thought much about. I hear as a mother guilt comes rushing in at breakneck speed. But I’m not a mother. And I’ve never really felt guilty about choices I’ve made or actions I’ve taken. But the thing is, guilt is a deceptive ‘lil bugger. When I really looked at guilt, I noticed that I have it in spades, it’s just tucked away in a dark corner that I don’t visit too frequently. I feel guilt. And once I do, it’s a downward spiral meets perfect storm. First comes guilt, then comes shame, then comes sadness, then enters depression. Rinse. Repeat. Oye-vey.
Guilt, just like anger and sadness and all of our assorted human emotions, is just that, human. You can’t NOT feel guilty. But you can change your relationship to it. Instead of wallowing in it and allowing it to take over your life, do as Danielle says – breathe. And keep going. This is something I’ve tried not just with guilt but with any of the more “difficult” emotions. And it works. For reals.

 
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I could go on with hundreds of other Danielle-isms that have impacted my life. She is a genius with words, a poet and a priestess who speaks from the heart.
If you haven’t touched Danielle’s greatness yet, head over to her website and soak it in. She has loads of free goodies to partake from – and if you’re interested in The Desire Map or her book, The Fire Starter Sessions, they’re available there too. If you click here, you can buy The Desire Map directly. I’m an affiliate of her program, which means I’ll get a little somethin’ somethin’ if you purchase, but if that feels weird to you, just go to her site and get it there. Either way, I believe in you and in her, which is why I like to share the love.

Thank you D. For the work you do. For the love you spread. And the lives you touch. Your work inspires me everyday to reach new heights and explore new depths. I have such deep love and respect for you. I can’t wait to see what comes next.

Tell me, what lessons have you learned from Ms. LaPorte? How has her work impacted your life?
If this post is your first encounter with her, what did you glean from the words above? What’s your biggest take away?
Leave me a comment below and share some of your favorite bits of wisdom and inspiration. As always, thanks for sharing your stories with me!

xo

Tagged as: business, danielle laporte, entrepreneurs, life lessons, personal growth, self-help, what i know, what I've learned